Temper, Temper

Yesterday we listened to Chip Ingram's message "The Monster That Lives Within" from his series Overcoming Emotions that Destroy. Below are a few notes from this CD but due to the large amount of information we could not post the whole 45 minute long message. I suggest, especially if you or someone close to you deals with this emotion extensively that you purchase the series from LOTE.org. Not only will you get the full message on CD but you will also get the full set of five CDs.

I have also posted at the end of the blog some short youtube videos of Chip Ingram teaching on this subject.

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. NCV

Chip Ingram starts his message by telling us that we all have God given emotions, including anger. However negative anger can ruin our relationships if we don't figure out what causes it and how to deal with it. We need to train our emotions to work in such a way that allows God to transform our hearts and lives.

Chip gave a word picture of a house with faulty wiring, essentially a short which at first is unseen but at some point can cause a fire with disastrous results. This anger in us can become much like the firecracker illustration on page 23 of our books under Trinkets to Treasure. A short fuse on our angry emotions can cause us to explode at the littlest things.

Chip tells us that anger is neither a good or bad emotion. He defines it as a "charged, morally neutral, emotional response for protective preservation".

Anger can be good if we let it motivate us to action as in the cases of defending righteousness or upholding a good cause. Chip used his illustration of himself joining the board of a child welfare service in his community after becoming angry over the sight of a mother's violent treatment of her eighteen month old child. Through his one action sparked by anger he and several other Christians and eventually churches began to reach out to meet the needs of children and their families.

Biblically speaking, even Jesus became angry at the money changers in the temple, Moses at the Israelites' rebellion and David at Goliath's mocking of God. Ephesians 4:26a says, "Be angry but sin not." So anger toward the right things for the right reasons handled the right way can produce some right results

But negative anger, if left unchecked, can bring negative consequences and pitfalls. Here are just a few verses from Proverbs that reveals its negative results:

A man of great anger will bear the penalty,
For if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again. Prov 19 19

Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man. 22:24


An angry man stirs up strife,
And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression. 29:22

It is better to live alone in the desert
than with a quarreling and angry wife. 21:19

Here are a few questions for you:
Have you ever done something you wish you hadn't when you were angry?
Ever said something you wish you hadn't when you were angry?
Ever made a bad decision when you were angry?
Ever damaged a personal, family, work related or ministry relationship when you were angry?

If you are like me you answered yes to at least one of those questions. Well, there is good news -there is hope for both you and me. We can truly come to a point of understanding our God given anger from His perspective and learn to control it. We are reminded from last week's lesson that "our hearts are deceitful above all else and desperately sick". That's the bad news. However, we see in the following verse that God "searches our hearts and tests our minds". He alone knows our hearts and circumstances and desires above all else to transform us into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. Philippians 4:13 tells us that we can "do all things through Christ who strengthens us." That's the good news. We can trust Him to show us how to get control so we might reflect Him to a watching world and bring glory to His name.

Let's look at the three masks we as women can wear on a day to day basis. These masks listed below reveal how we express our anger. According to Chip Ingram and Dr. Becca Johnson who worked alongside Chip on this project, we are either spewers, stuffers or leakers when it comes to expressing our anger. Read below and see if you can determine which one you are.

Spewers:
1. I can be blunt and forceful when someone does something to frustrate me.
2. As I speak my convictions my voice becomes increasingly louder.
3. When someone confronts me about a problem I am likely to offer a ready rebuttal.
4. No one has to guess my opinion. I'm known for having unwavering views.
5. When something goes wrong I focus so sharply on fixing the problem I often overlook people's feelings.
6. I often get caught having bickering matches with family members.
7. During verbal disagreements I often tend to repeat myself several times.
8. It's hard to keep something to myself when I know something is wrong.
9. I have a reputation of being strong willed.
10. I tend to give advice when people don't ask for it.

Stuffers:
1. I am image conscious and don't like others to know my problems.
2. Even when frustrated I portray myself publicly as having it all together.
3. I am rather reserved about sharing my frustrations or problems.
4. If family members or friends upset me I can let days pass without mentioning it.
5. I have a tendency to be depressed and moody.
6. Resentful thinking is common for me but people would not suspect it.
7. I have suffered with physical complaints, headaches, stomach ailments and sleep irregularities.
8. At times I've wondered if my opinions or preferences are really valid.
9. Sometimes I feel paralyzed when confronted by an unwanted situation.
10. I feel guilty a lot about little things.

Leakers:
1. When I am frustrated I become silent knowing it bothers other people.
2. I am prone to sulk and pout.
3. When I don't want to do a project I procrastinate.
4. When someone asks me if I'm frustrated I will lie and say "No, everything is fine".
5. Sometimes I am deliberately evasive so others won't bother me.
6. I sometimes approach work projects half heartedly.
7. When someone talks to me about my problems I stare straight ahead, being deliberately obstinate.
8. I am often sarcastic and hide my real hurts behind jokes.
9. I withdraw affection and become frigid when hurt.
10. I forget to do things for people when they have wounded me.

So have you figured out which one you are, spewer, stuffer or leaker?
Consider the things which make you angry. Is it the little things or the big things. Determine which mask you wear or if you are like me, you wear more than one sometimes. Next consider how you might overcome the battle you have with anger. As a follower of Jesus Christ you have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit always at hand to grant you grace, strength, wisdom. And as we have said from the start of this study we need to be constantly going to God's Word. Gripping His truth is the only way to overcome. In and of ourselves getting control of our anger just isn't possible but with God all things are possible.

I encourage you to watch the Chip Ingram videos below as they will give further understanding of this emotion called anger. Feel free to comment below on how Chip's teaching on this subject and your "Managing Your Moods" study guide has benefited you.

The Many Faces of Anger and Spewing Your Anger





Expectations

Insecurity